Breaking the Habit and upping the Uppers

[[posterous-content:pyqlaqqtAEIIJokgsqes]]Today is the first day as an attempted non-smoker. I’m wearing a nicotine patch, sucking a nicotine lozenge and so far, it’s all working (apart from the dizziness). Last night, I smoked myself silly, then made this jar. I want to watch it stagnate and congeal, and give me the ongoing reminder of what these fags do to my lungs. A friend sent me a text, which is already food for thought:“I was smoking 40 a day until this Christmas-stopped and haven’t missed it once! It’s not part of you, it’s just something you happen to do. You’re not giving up anything – just stopping doing something that you don’t want to do.”

Good advice.The other thing is, as the title suggests is that (what usually brings out my creativity) I’ve restarted antidepressants. I saw the doctor yesterday as I’ve been having the odd (well-hidden) panic attack, my mood has really slipped and anxiety is taking it’s ugly grip on me again. I stopped taking the pills just before we went to Stockholm, thinking that might have been the best time to do it. Well, it didn’t work. I was great for a while, but noticed my mood slipping quite quickly after the holiday. I put it down to post-holiday blues. Obviously, it wasn’t.

ANYWAY, now, as the cliche goes, is the first day of the rest of my life. I’m cutting out fags, alcohol and eating better. I won’t go as far as exercise yet! Work keeps me fit! The future is brighter, I hope…Flo was spayed last week, and despite her pulling out her stitches, she’s coming on a treat – still a scamp, which is great! It’s bloody cold here today, despite the sun belting down outside. So, they’ve (Molly and Flo) have been made comfy next to the radiator…

They’re asleep now… think I might do the same. x

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