Glee’s Sue Sylvester Quotes

“Hey, Buddy! I was just dropping by to feed my Venus flytrap” Episode 13: Sectionals"You think this is hard? Try being waterboarded, that’s hard!“ (Episode 1: Pilot)

"You think this is hard? I’m living with hepatitis, that’s hard!” (Episode 1:Pilot)“Your resentment… is dellllicious.” (Episode 1: Pilot)

“You think this is hard? Try filling your own cavity, that’s hard!” (Episode 1: Pilot)Sue: “See, now what you’re doing here is called blurring the lines. High school is a caste system and kids fall into certain slots. Now, you have your jocks and your popular kids up in the penthouse. Your invisibles and kids playing online trolls and creatures, bottom floor.” Will: “So where do the Glee kids lie?” Sue: “Sub-basement.” (Episode 1: Pilot)

“Lady Justice wept today.” (Episode 2: Showmance)“I took the liberty of highlighting some Special Ed classes for you. Maybe you can find some recruits there because I don’t think anybody else is going to want to swim over to your… island of misfit toys.” (Episode 2:Showmance)

Sue: Iron tablet? It keeps your strenght up when you menstrate. Will: I don’t menstrate. Sue: Yeah neither do i.“It is my strong suggestion these two students be hobbled.” (Episode 2:Showmance)

“Let me be the one to break the silence. That was the most offensive thing I have seen in 20 years of teaching and that includes an elementary school production of "Hair.”“ (Episode 2: Showmance)Will: "Are you threatening me?” Sue: “Threatening you? Oh no, no, no, no. Giving you a chance to compromise yourself? You betcha! Let’s break it down. You want to be creative, you want to be in the spotlight. Face it. You want to be me! So here’s the deal. You do with your depressing little group of kids what I did with my wealthy, elderly mother. Euthanize it! It’s time, and I’ll be happy to offer you a job as my second assistant on Cheerios. You can fetch me Gatorade, launder my soiled delicates. It’d be very rewarding work for you.” (Episode 2: Showmance)

“This is what we call a total disaster, ladies. I’m going to have to ask you to smell your armpits. That’s the smell of failure. And it’s stinking up my office!” (Episode 3: Acafellas)*when Principal Figgins forces them to hug* Will: “I will destroy you.” Sue: “I am about to vomit down your back.” Will: “It’s on.” (Episode 7: Throwdown)

“There’s not much of a difference between a stadium full of cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They’re both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they’re cheering for you. You do that, and some day they will. And that’s how SueC’s it.” (Episode 4: Preggers)“I’ll often yell at homeless people: ‘Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Try not being homeless for once.’” (Episode 4: Preggers)

“God, it feels good to finally pop that zit known as Will Schuester.”“Oh, I know the Dutch are famous for being a cold people but that’s no excuse for treating you like some half-priced hooker in Amsterdam’s famous red-light district.”

“I don’t trust a man with curly hair. I can’t help but picturing birds laying sulforous eggs in there and i find it disgusting”“Are these your droopy white granny panties, Jacob? Are you an Eve who was born a Steve? Because if you are, I think there’s a special school that would better address your needs. And I think that school is in Thailand.”

“Schuester! Yeah? I’ll need to see that set list for Sectionals after all, and I want it on my desk, warm from the laminator at 5:00 p.m. And if it is one minute late, I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat, and then, on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face.” Episode 8: Mash-Up"If I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout, the judges aren’t going to admire her impeccable form, they’re going to be wondering if the centrifugal force is going to make the baby’s head start crowning.“ Episode 9: Wheels

“If there’s anything on that list that involves demeaning, fruity hair tossing, I’m cutting it!” Episode 10: Hairography"Never let anything distract you from winning. Ever.” Episode 10: Hairography

“I have reasonable confidence that you will be adding revenge to the list of things you’re no good at – right next to having a marriage; running a glee club; and finding a hairstyle that doesn’t make you look like a lesbian. Episode 13: Sectionals"Love ya like a sista!” Episode 13: Sectionals

“Get ready for the ride of your life, Will Schuester,” she told him. “You’re about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination: Horror!“ Episode 13: Sectionals“I’m going to head down to my condo in Boca, brown up a bit, get myself back into fighting shape.” Episode 13: Sectionals

Sue: Kids; I don’t have the time, I don’t have the uterus…

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